Ho Phase
Ho Phase: how I stay festive without losing my sense of reality. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.
No, not that Ho Phase, ya filthy animals.
I mean Ho Phase🎄(pretend that’s a trademark icon - humor me).
December is a weird time when everything feels a bit...off.
The daylight fades early, the pace picks up, the expectations spike hard, and we’re all muddling through this weird mix of nostalgia, stress, obligations, and whatever unresolved tension the season tends to stir up.
It’s not good or bad, it’s just…different. And you definitely feel it, because December has this way of magnifying what you’re already feeling.
If you’re happy, you become sentimental. If you’re stressed, you go down rabbit holes. If you’re grieving, all the holly-jolly vibes around you can feel almost offensive.
Even if things are fine, they’re still a skosh more complicated than usual.
And if you’re just trying to get through the month without anything else important going to hell, well…may the odds be ever in your favor.
Ho Phase 🎄 is a deliberate choice to participate in the holiday spirit, selectively, even ironically, because it keeps me from chucking a nutcracker at my loved ones.
Think of it as the seasonal equivalent of turning up the music in your car so you don’t hear whatever is making noises it absolutely shouldn’t be.
Whatever protects your peace.
For me, this month came in swinging.
First, it was my check engine light. Then, The Balkan Storm’s car needed work. When that came back, the spare car (no, I’m not rich; it’s an old 300K mile workhorse that comes in clutch) decided to enter hospice care.
Now Storm’s car needs more work. Because of course it does.
While all of that was going on, the family dog needed emergency surgery (still waiting on results, fingers crossed).
Add in the usual December overhead of bills, Christmas lists, grocery runs, and the daily to-dos that don’t stop just cause it’s snowing…again, and yeah, it’s a lot.
I’m not telling you all this just to whine about my problems (ok, maybe a little), but at some point you stop asking “Why is this happening to me?” and switch to “Alright, what now?”
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Not long ago, I was in the shower, thinking back with a laugh about a prior conversation involving the other 'ho phase,' when it struck me how perfectly that phrase applied to December.
So it became a little inside joke: Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas, even though I’m not entirely sure how I’m supposed to make it to the 25th in one piece.
And once I said it to myself a few times, it just sort of stuck. December felt a little more tolerable when I started treating it like an inside joke rather than letting every stressor get to me personally.
Basically, doing the bare minimum to stay festive-ish without losing my will to live.
In a month that can drain even the strongest among us, Ho Phase🎄 is simply the choice not to surrender your last inch of sanity.
Plus, it’s fun to say “I’m in my Ho Phase right now” just to watch the different reactions.
(Please use discretion. Your boss, your kids, and your mother-in-law do not need that level of transparency.)
Anyway. You know who's been in their holiday Ho Phase🎄forever? Mothers.
(Yes, of course, there are exceptions, but I'm speaking to the majority's reality.)
We are the executive producers of family holidays.
EPs make the magic possible. They keep the production together and fix whatever breaks without anyone noticing. They’re the reason the story works.
Same with family Christmas.
Most cherished memories don't just “happen.” Nine times out of ten, mothers planned for them, cleaned for them, shopped for them, wrapped for them, cooked for them, baked for them, and scheduled them - and still had to emotionally manage everyone involved.
We’re the showrunners, the continuity editors, the wardrobe department, the Craft Services, and the cleanup crew once the show is over.
We do it because we want to create meaning, and we still want to feel included in the magic we're making for everyone else.
In most households, we’re the reason the place looks even remotely festive.
(This year, The Balkan Storm gets that honor in our home, and I’m grateful)
Every tree, stocking, meal, and set of way-overpriced matching pajamas that makes Christmas morning seem “effortless” exists because a hardworking woman decided her family deserved something beautiful.
That's the real essence of Ho Phase🎄: choosing meaning even when the season gives you very little in return.
And yet, far too many of these women don’t even get their own stockings filled.
Oh yeah, we’re going there.
Somehow, the people who make the holidays happen end up being the most overlooked on the actual day. Everyone enjoys the magic, and the one who engineered the entire production gets a flat stocking and a gut-churning disappointment she has to hide behind that same damn smile so she doesn’t ruin it for the little ones.
And trust me: I’ve lived more of those Christmases than I should have.
That’s why I can say unflinchingly that it can be different. Not miraculously perfect, just different in all the ways that matter.
I married proof of concept.
The Balkan Storm is as traditionally masculine as they come, but when something needs to be done, he does it. This year, he handled the lion's share of our decorating. I didn’t ask him to, didn’t even hint at it.
He just saw what needed to be done and did it. Respect. Unfortunately, still a radical concept.
So, no, the bar isn’t on the floor; it’s been slowly lowered by years of ‘tradition’ and the low-key bigotry of low expectations.
But it can be raised, and when it is, the whole season feels different.
To be very clear, it’s not about getting gifts. It’s about unacknowledged labor being dismissed as "just how things are" by the people who benefit from it the most.
Ho Phase🎄is deliberate.
But so is respecting the person who made everyone else’s good memories.
And for the record, stockings do NOT have to be expensive.
Growing up, my family wasn’t rich by any stretch, but we always had plenty of gifts to open at Grandma’s and Great-Grandma’s house; every dollar-store trinket, every tiny can of potato sticks or French fried onions, even the candy was wrapped.
And we loved it. Kids don’t care about prices; they want participation.
So what reasonable adult wouldn’t be happy with a stocking containing their favorite candy bar, a fresh new Chapstick, a decent pen, travel-sized anything, and a scratch-off ticket with the faint possibility of early retirement?
For the record, I would be over the moon for a couple of bags of my favorite SkinnyDipped peanut butter cups this year. (Hint hint)
If you’ve been filling your own stocking for years because it’s “easier”, just know it’s way easier to stop filling the stockings of adults who choose not to reciprocate.
Steps off soapbox.
And because December is nothing if not disjointed, I'm changing lanes.
Last week, I talked about the benefits of keeping up with pop culture.
In that spirit, Marvel Studios just announced they’re re-releasing Avengers: Endgame in theaters next fall to lead into Doomsday.
Some of us are thrilled.
If you know, you know.
Others, including The Balkan Storm, looked at me like I’d sprouted antlers.
“But…you’ve already seen it, “ he said.
“Wait, don’t you own that movie?”
Yes. Yes, I do.
But for comic film people, Endgame isn’t something you “watch” like some plebeian. Scoff.
You attend it.
Like Rocky Horror (not that I was ever allowed to go), you go for the collective energy; we already know what happens, but it will still (pretty much) feel like the first time:
Some moments are just meant for a crowd, and Endgame is full of them.
And you know what? That little jolt of anticipation, that feeling of "oh hell yeah," is exactly the kind of fuel that keeps me in Ho Phase🎄this month.
Everyone has their thing: Hallmark movies, hot toddies, Grandma's cookies.
Or, if you're me, a movie you've already seen at least a dozen times.
We take our joy where we can get it, especially in December.
Now get out there and enjoy your own Ho Phase🎄. Protect your peace, protect your joy, and for the love of all things festive, protect the inside jokes.
December is hard enough without explaining to HR or your loved ones why you announced you were "deep in your Ho Phase🎄" at the holiday potluck.
Learn from my mistakes.
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I am nothing if not versatile.
Recommended Reads
- Movies: Escape or Compass?
Why we disappear into stories when real life is doing too much, and how the right film at the right time can recalibrate more than just our day. - Beautiful Lies
The daydreams we create to survive, the truths we grow into, and the long road between them. Gritty, hopeful, and very on-brand for anyone navigating December with a 3% battery. - Age Against the Machine
Aging, expectations, and refusing to age out into obscurity. - Clean Break
A reminder that sometimes ending something is the real beginning.
Heather Papovich is a long-form essayist, cultural writer, and longtime ghostwriter whose work explores lived experience, cultural identities, and the emotional mechanics of everyday life.
She is the founder of Unfinished Business, an independent digital publication blending personal narrative with cultural commentary, currently read in 33 verified countries.
Her writing focuses on reinvention, the emotional weight of ordinary moments, and the role popular culture, particularly long-running franchises, plays in how people cope, connect, and create meaning.
