American Grandstand

When I was growing up, American Bandstand was a constant in my house. I don’t really remember the songs or the performances. I don’t really remember much of anything except this one phrase:

It’s got a good beat, and you can dance to it.

I love music, and it doesn’t matter what kind it is, either. I love that moment when you get to the chorus and your brain goes It’s showtime. I love it when it makes the hairs on your arms stand up; that’s the good stuff.

Not every song has to be so profound; sometimes you just want to feel cooler than you are when you’re driving an SUV home from Costco.

I'll pull up with the bass bumping like I’m at Coachella. Might be Måneskin. Might be Eminem. Maybe Black Sabbath, Marvin Gaye, or Duran Duran.

It might be Weird Al, I don't even care.

Spotify has yet to get a good read on me.

Music is one of the oldest human connectors we have. Did you know that singing, dancing, and even drumming together release endorphins and oxytocin? It bonds strangers and creates shared memories.

And what better example than concerts and sporting events?

Back in the early days, the Super Bowl halftime show was marching bands and drill teams. Sometimes it was patriotic and wholesome, and sometimes it was absolute ass -  like that weird kaleidoscope fever dream of 1983 or the ice skating production of 1992, for example.

Halftime used to be ‘bathroom and more beer' time.

But in 1993, Michael Jackson put us all in a visual chokehold when he took the stage, and didn’t let go until he closed with Heal the World, with the entire stadium as part of the show.

(Google it. Chills.)

It was the first time ever that the ratings went up at halftime, and that’s when the NFL figured out the winning formula.

Of course, since then, halftime has rarely been “just music”.  There are still sponsors to pay, so it’s always had a little “we’d like to thank Pepsi, Anheuser-Busch, and this year’s meaning of unity,” vibe.

But the best halftime shows still make you feel like you’re at least part of it. There’s a big difference between “share this moment with me” and “I’ll just stand here and watch you have fun, I guess”.

Both halftime events this year felt like the latter.

Then came all the grandstanding, with everyone on a side convinced they had won the night and their side was the morally righteous one.

Sigh…it’s not really supposed to be this deep, is it?

Like a lot of families, we treat the Super Bowl as an event at our house. We plan our menu a week out just to make it feel like a party (the absolute ragers that we are).

The Balkan Storm made his legendary barbecue ribs. I made my cheeseburger sliders (on King’s Hawaiian rolls, so you know it’s fancy times).

Four of us in the living room, tearing into ribs like Vikings, and within minutes, my daughter and I are in a heated argument about whether the Patriots suck.

Neither of us actually watches pro football.

The most I watch is my boy’s high school games, while my incredibly patient husband reexplains the rules and other parents try to outshout the actual coach.

She and I, like many viewers, are strictly watching for the commercials and the halftime show. But there we were arguing like Collinsworth and Tirico, even though neither of us could name three players from either team.

(I mean, I know Stefon Diggs, but that’s only because of Cardi B.)

I ended up watching both halftime shows. I am committed to proper due diligence before I write about something, after all.

After approaching both with an open mind, I found them both underwhelming for the exact same reason.

Now, of course, I know Bad Bunny. I have some of his stuff on my workout playlist. Zero idea what he’s saying. Don’t really care.

It’s got a good beat, and you can dance to it.

Bad Bunny’s show clearly wanted to be big and culturally significant. A celebration of Puerto Rican identity while redefining “American” identity.

And that’s great. If you already love him, speak the language, and enjoy that vibe, then you were probably having the best time.

If you didn’t, you were too busy trying to figure out what you'd missed.

Some of the symbolism only made sense if you already knew the context. In many crowd shots, people looked more than a little confused.

And a halftime show done almost entirely in Spanish during the biggest broadcast in the country is a strange choice, not because Spanish doesn’t belong, but because the show is about getting everyone involved (at least, those not making the bathroom/beer run).

What was supposed to feel like a party felt like a mini-civics lesson and a counterculture statement. And if people can't exactly sing along and soak up the moment, it’s gonna create a perception of exclusion.

Fans called it a performance of pride, love, and unity. And maybe that was the intention, but intention and execution aren’t always the same. I felt the attempt, but still felt like I was watching from outside the party.

The Balkan Storm speaks far better Spanish than I do. As for me, “Estoy aprendiendo” is my conversational disclaimer anytime we’re on vacation together.

Within two minutes, he and a local are rapid-fire riffing like long-lost brothers, and I’m smiling politely while sidling towards the nearest paletas stand.

There was no way I was keeping up with Bad Bunny's show.

Bad Bunny’s show was provocative, full stop. There was a lot of grinding.

Like, a lot.

Now, I am not some pearl-clutcher. I came of age in the Madonna/2 Live Crew/PMRC era. I'm sure the kids have seen worse online.

But this is the Super Bowl. It’s one of the few shows where grandparents, parents, and kids are likely to be watching together in the same room.

And still the people in charge said, "Yep, totally fine for Sunday night family viewing."

From TikTok to the White House, everyone is arguing about it. President Trump lambasted it, and members of Congress are clamoring for an FCC investigation.

TikTok'ers are Googling the unedited lyrics and reacting as if that’s what actually aired.

That is an extraordinary amount of political energy directed at a 13-minute halftime show.

Say what you will, but the NFL knows what it’s doing; nothing on their stage happens by accident anymore.

They have learned the lessons of Nipplegate.

That being said, I don’t blame the artists. I suspect the NFL deliberately sparks controversy just to stay relevant. It’s been almost a week, and it’s still trending, which, from a bottom-line perspective, has to feel like a win.

They’ve made some pretty bold choices before, but what fascinates me is that the NFL isn’t purely one thing politically, no matter what people online will tell you.

It’s a business first. They choose what keeps us engaged while expanding global appeal. That’s what businesses do. Somehow, they’ve managed to be both edgy and conservative at the same time.

Same balance I strive for, honestly.

As for the “All-American Halftime Show” put on by Turning Point USA (as if Puerto Rico isn’t somehow American), I watched that too.

Despite the smaller stage and production, the performers were talented. The messaging leaned hard into faith, country, patriotism, military visuals - the whole bit. Kid Rock came out and did Kid Rock things.

It felt the same as the other show: “This is our culture.” It was aesthetically different, unapologetic, and quite sure of itself.

It was also, at times, very cringe, and if I’m being honest, painfully boring.

Yes, I still love Jesus, my family, the military, and my country.

But I was bored AF.

Sweet Caroline.
Don’t Stop Believin’.
We Will Rock You
Born in the USA
Billie Jean
Purple Rain

You may not even like those songs, but most times you still end up singing along because they’re easy and feel tailor-made for a crowd.

It creates a lighthearted moment where nobody gives a damn how you live or who you love – you’re just having fun.

To this day, I don’t know the exact words to Smells Like Teen Spirit but you can bet I’m yelling, “With the lights out, it’s less dangerous! Here we are now, entertain us!”

It’s got a good beat, and you can dance to it. And there’s always a motley crew of people around me doing the same.

We’re strangers from all walks of life who will likely never meet again, but for a couple of minutes, we’re all headbanging buddies.

Unity doesn’t come from being told what to feel. It comes from something so universal that everyone can easily jump in.  

It's supposed to be fun, for Christ's sake.

The Super Bowl is about elite athletes in fierce competition (though I’m pretty sure that streaker ran more yards than the Patriots did).

For a few hours, we’re united by sport.

There's a scene in Without Limits, where coach Bowerman is talking with his team at the ’72 Olympics, in the aftermath of the Munich massacre. He explains that in ancient Greece, warring states would lay down their weapons during the Games so they could compete against their enemies.

“They understood there was more honor in outrunning a man than killing him.”

Competition, not conquest, was sacred.
The Games were once humanity’s answer to war.

Today, we can’t even get through a halftime show without it being considered a culture war.

All this drama over an event that’s supposed to give us a damn break from politics, media, and the constant need to be the moral authority about goddamn everything.  

Instead, we got a boring-ass game, two ‘controversial’ halftime shows, and everybody arguing over petty shit.

And in the grand scheme of things, it is supremely petty shit given the actual problems we’re living with.

You know…I just wanted to pretend to watch a football game with my family and see if an oft-rumored Avengers: Doomsday trailer was going to air.

(It didn’t, so thanks for that, Marvel.)

I know it’ll never happen, but you know who would be fun next year?

Pitbull. With surprise guest Weird Al.

You know what, we don't even need any one specific artist; how about The Super Bowl Karaoke Halftime Show?

A medley of famous bangers for everyone from reggae to salsa, K-pop to techno, country to rock, and pop to…well, whatever’s left.

Just one epic, ridiculous party, every song with one thing in common:

It has a good beat, and you can dance to it.

Heather Papovich is the voice behind Unfinished Business. She's seen some things. She'll tell you about them.