Ask Heather

I just started seeing someone new, and he’s not comfortable with me having close guy friends. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, but now I feel like I’m constantly having to explain myself. Is this a red flag, or is this just part of being in a serious relationship?

Funny thing about opposite-sex friendships – a lot of romantic relationships start from that.  

Before I met my husband, I had a lot of guy friends. I had zero interest in them; I didn’t date them, or sleep with them, or anything like that.  

But over time, I realized some of them were just playing the long game. IYKYK.

That’s not to say every OS friendship has a hidden agenda, but it does mean it isn’t as harmless as people want to believe, either.

A serious relationship should have you asking at the start: What kind of relationship do I want?

It boild down to preference and compatibility, not who’s ‘right’.

In my own relationship, I operate on a very simple principle:
Would I be okay with my partner doing this?

And whatever that means for you, these are boundaries that need to be established early in the relationship. Sounds like he’s establishing his, and it's not unreasonable for him.

Whether it is for you is a different question.

Nobody is right or wrong here. But you may not be fully compatible.  

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Heather Papovich is the writer behind Unfinished Business, essays on real life, pop culture, and the fine art of not completely losing it.