Same Ol’ Situation (S.O.S.)

So… how’re all those New Year’s resolutions going?

No, really. The ones you swore you meant this time.

Every year, we do this thing where we pick a date, and that’s gonna be the magical moment when everything changes. We’re gonna lose the weight, get in shape, get that better job, find that soulmate, blah blah blah.

I looked it up: the top resolutions are always the same: exercise more, improve mental health, eat healthier, save money, and lose weight.

In other words, become a completely different person almost overnight. And in that cold and dark NYE ‘what now?’ phase, it almost feels productive when we say this time I’m serious.

And for the first month or so of the year, the gym is packed with those trying to make good on that promise.

They don’t know what the hell they’re doing, but in that desperate race to make up for lost time, they push themselves harder, faster, like they can close that gap between who they are and who they think they have to be.

And that’ll keep you going…for a short time, at least.

It’s not so easy to keep that energy when you wake up exhausted, sore, maybe a little injured, and trying to ignore the little voice telling you this whole thing already feels like a chore.

'I’ll go tomorrow’ becomes the promise until you eventually hope people forget how much you bragged online about ever going.

It’s not as much fun to save money when that means constantly telling yourself ‘no’ to things that make your day a little better. When you deny yourself that Smart TV, or that pick-me-up from Starbucks, or just one teensy little Target run.

It's not so easy to eat healthier when you’re stoically chewing on carrot sticks and premeasured chicken while everyone around you is elbow-deep in cheesy pizza.

And mental health? That’s probably the worst because it means actually dealing with yourself.

So by March, you’re back to “old you,” i.e. ‘real you’, but now you feel like a failure.

I began the year with a goal to ‘lock in,’ focusing on optimizing my site and achieving specific metrics, while doing a better job of self-care.

Oh, and trying to go from moderate to super low carb.

Right.

I’m currently arguing with a developer about growth mechanics while downing Peeps with coffee and trying to justify it as a breakfast pastry.

Real me loves carbs, what can I say?

Now, I don’t say ‘real you’ like it’s a bad thing. It's not.

The problem is that most people assume it’s a linear path from Goal to Result, and when that doesn't happen, they assume it means they suck at it.

It doesn't.

And I say that as someone well-versed in ‘black or white thinking.
I still struggle with it.

Typically, when people set a goal, they tend to focus more on THAT setpoint instead of the HOW to get there. They rely too much on conjuring up strict self-discipline rather than changing the way they want to live, ie, ‘real you’.

That sort of forced effort will, over time, burn through whatever discipline you possess and take your motivation with it.

I tried that approach with weight loss once; sure, I lost the weight, but because I hadn’t cultivated sustainable habits, I gained it all back with interest, along with an eating disorder and a nice dash of dysmorphia.

So yeah, don't do that. Because it's not so much trying harder as it is misdirected effort.

Take The Devil Wears Prada.

Andy is working her ass off, but she’s trying to work the way she always has in an environment that doesn’t recognize or reward that. It leaves her on the verge of burnout.

So she adapted her day and her habits: how she dressed, how she cared for herself, how she prioritized what actually mattered – and things started taking off.

Or Rocky. He wasn’t the favorite, or even the most skilled, but he knew he needed to win and patterned his life around that goal. He did the same training routines over and over, in ways that pushed him without actually breaking him.

Conversely, Creed is the champion, yet he unconsciously adapted his routine from fight prep to fight promotion.  And yeah, he achieved that goal but lost the win.

There’s a weird disconnect in how most people view goals. We treat those big ones like prizes just…sitting out there waiting for us to come get them, and if we just push ourselves hard enough for long enough, they’ll be ours.

And people tend to view the small, daily habits as annoying. Something to tolerate until we ‘arrive’ and then, thank God, never have to do again, but you know what?

That is some ass-backwards thinking; you can't ever stop if you want to keep the win.

I learned that the hard way recently.

Some time ago, I had to stop weighing myself every day because it began messing with my head. And I was totally convinced the moment I stopped keeping track like that, I’d cartoonishly balloon up to Ursula-size proportions in no time.

But I’d already created those small, unremarkable habits like mindful eating, small indulgences instead of a free-for-all, getting my steps in when I could, and being okay with resting when I couldn’t.

I never stopped, and it was enough.

When I finally stepped back on the scale this week, everything was fine. Better than fine.

I nearly cried; it was a win in a way I’ve never experienced before.

Because I’d done it. I’d gone a year after significant weight loss without losing any of that momentum, just using those baby steps.    

It just…worked.

And that's where a lot of us get it wrong. We think it's supposed to be harder than that, like effort doesn't count unless it's extreme and we're miserable. Like it only happens if we become a completely different person.

And in a way, yeah - you do. The habits change you.

Some things should change, but not everything.

My goal was to lose weight, not become some perfectly disciplined, locked-in humanoid.

I want to die pretty, but also happy. And preferably full.

Grabs another Peep.

Heather Papovich is the writer behind Unfinished Business, essays on real life, pop culture, and the fine art of not completely losing it.