Reader Questions

You asked. I answered. Welcome to Ask Heather.

At what point do you stop giving someone grace and just admit they’re not a great person? – T.A.

Hoo, boy, the stories I could tell about that one.

For me, it’s when the pattern of bad behavior has been repeatedly addressed and still continues. Then it's crystal clear they are choices and not coincidences.

Everyone has bad moments and times in life when they aren’t necessarily at their best, and that’s when we give grace.

But if you’re constantly having to reflect on someone’s actions toward you, like:
“I’m sure they didn’t mean it like that”, or “They’re just going through something (again),” or “They wouldn't say/do that to hurt me on purpose,"

Then, at some point, you have to consider that it might actually be exactly who they are, and exactly what they meant.

It’s like that saying, when someone shows you who they really are…believe them.

Hi Heather, I’ve been reading your stuff for a while. You always say you use pop culture to make sense of real life, but pop culture isn’t even real. So why do you think that works? – B.R.

Because it’s a controlled medium. A movie or a show takes situations and emotions and gives them structure to fit in a specific time slot. The commonality is that there’s a beginning, middle, an end, and usually a resolution, even if it’s not the happiest one.

Life takes a lot longer for that, obviously, but you can recognize your own life when you see it happening to someone else, even if that someone is fictional.

I see that as translation.

Are there any conspiracy theories you actually believe in? D.P.

I don’t know if believe is the right word, but there are definitely some I wouldn’t be surprised by. For one, we already know public relationships between celebrities are a thing, but I think there are way more planned couples than we even realize. Maybe even longtime married ones.

I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying there's probably more of it than we think.

The other one that I’d say I feel more strongly on is that I believe certain food industries downplay related health risks and engineer foods to be addictive.

I say that because last year I switched to an almost completely unprocessed diet (probably 90%) and my health has never been better. My skin has never been better (well, it was in my twenties, but that’s a gripe for another day).

Now, if I take a bite of something like one of those frosted cookies from a box, it doesn’t even taste good. All I taste is chemicals.

And after losing multiple family members to different cancers who all lived on what we’d call a “normal” diet, I’m no longer convinced that’s just a coincidence.

Pineapple on pizza, yes or no? – R.H.

No. GTFO.

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Heather Papovich is the voice behind Unfinished Business, a weekly essay series where real life meets pop culture, and how to get through both without (mostly) losing it.