Reader Questions

Ask Heather

You asked. I answered. Let’s see how this goes.

I feel like my best friend turns everything into a competition or copies whatever I’m doing. If I try to lose weight, suddenly she is too. If I mention a book or hobby, she’s suddenly into it. Am I overthinking this, or is that weird? A.S.

It is possible that she’s motivated by that energy, but there’s a big difference between someone being inspired by you and someone turning everything into a competition.

And if that's bothering you, there’s a reason. You don’t have to call her out on it, but you also don’t have to keep pretending it doesn't get to you, either.

Try not to share everything you’re thinking of doing or actually doing with her. See what happens when she has less intel on you.

That’ll answer your question.

Better yet, test it: start going on about your newfound love of polka dancing, or how you're really into Avatar cosplay lately, or that you've been craving scotch bonnet pepper dipping sauce with your lunches.

Send pics of the results. I love a happy ending.

Why does trying to be healthy at work annoy people so much? I feel like everything I do makes them comment or joke. Like, I didn’t eat any of the birthday cake they brought for a co-worker, and someone said I was trying to be ‘better than them’. I didn’t even make a big deal of it I just said ‘no thank you’.

Or I’m minding my own business, and someone comes over and remarks on what I brought for lunch and then says stuff like “I bet you’re going to the gym after this, too”. Like, why do you care? B.D.

That is frustrating. I went through this very thing years ago when I worked in cubicle hell. I got so many "jokes,” comments, and even called names like 'skeleton with boobs'. Yeah, super professional.

Sometimes, when people work together long enough, the lines of professionalism get a little blurred, and people get a little too comfortable saying whatever they think.

And sometimes, people just suck.

But the actual problem here is very simple: you’re trying to better yourself, and that makes insecure people compare themselves to you. And when they don't like how they feel in that comparison, then come the pissy comments, jokes, and questions.

The annoyance in question isn't really with you, but with themselves. And instead of actually doing something about their own situation, which requires effort and discipline, they make you the target, because that's way easier.

There’s probably a nicer way to say that, but oh well.

In the meantime, good on you for taking care of yourself. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Keep your responses short: “it works for me”, “no thanks”, “that’s just what I’m doing right now”, etc.

Say it once and move on. If they keep pushing, let it be awkward for them.

Oh, and stay upbeat about it. Nothing throws people off more than not getting the reaction they wanted.

That’s a lot of fun… trust me.

Which of your interests or areas of knowledge most frequently influences the others, often in surprising ways? – Jon

Probably music, since it’s one of the most subjective things ever. People can hear the same thing and perceive it completely differently – just like life itself. Opinions, politics, interactions, messages, it doesn’t really matter the subject.

Two people can experience the same thing and come away with totally different takes, and neither of them is wrong. Once you really get that, it changes how you look at a lot of other things as well.

It also makes it a lot easier not to take everything so personally (at least, it should, anyway.) Most of what people react to is what they hear, not what was meant, and those aren't always the same thing.

Especially if you're married.

I still recall the "oh, so now I'm the problem?" argument of 2016.

Vividly.